That quote just speaks out so much to me. And it applies to so, so many things in life besides just the experiences I've accumulated.
Sigh.
Studying is hard. Not going to lie. Doing something mindless (like cleaning my room, or emptying the dishwasher, or some other menial procrastination technique I’ve perfected over the past few weeks) is easy. But actually sitting down and committing reams of lecture notes to memory is tough going.
I am so. bored.
The Easter holidays was supposed to be a time to catch up with all the work that piled up from messing about and having totally different priorities in Term 1 and 2.
But actually sitting down to study is so friken hard I end up spending most of my day tetris-ing, skype-ing or watching random youtube videos..
Speaking of procrastinating, I've found quite a nice site.
http://thequietplaceproject.com/thequietplace
-that just gives you a little time for space. for a breather. from all the stuff that's going on. stuff that, if you think about it properly, doesn't even seem so important.
Go to it. I would really introduce this place to anyone I really care for. It's stupidly simple, but I find it a really refreshing concept
-is nice for ranting too. I got quite into it last night, although I prefer the quiet place more.
It felt really odd just to type words into the box. But after sometime, it got really addicting. Watching each letter light up a star... only then to break off, fly away and disappear into nothingness. It's like pouring your heart out to someone - only without having to think about your words or any judgement.
I did hardly any of them.
It made me realize how freaking often I put things off. Put my priorities on things that I can't even remember. Make excuses. How quickly ideas pop into my head, and how quickly memories disappear. How I make decisions based on getting instant gratification more often that I would like to admit. How little I truly remember of my last summer (which brings me to wanting to write a post about it <-will be linked once it's done.. which was legen.. "wait for it..."). How I always put current things on hold but waste time doing insignificant things. But anyways, it hit me
-how I put living off.
There just seems to be so much floating round in my mind. Although technically 'still' nineteen and in my teens, I can't help but know that I'm also supposed to be an adult. I've past the golden milestone of 18.. got my permanent ID card, brushed past the need of having a guardian/parent to sign forms, gotten a bank account, going to uni, finding my own flat next year.. It seems like all the things we longed for when we were younger are slower coming true. No more do we 'need' the permission of others to do what we want. The golden age of opportunities, youth and life.
But deep down I'm terrified.
What if you only have a vague idea of what you want. What if you have no idea how to go about getting it?
Being under the legal age of adulthood always made me feel carefree. Rebellious. Not needing to be responsible. Just a little crazy. Like I was allowed to do anything in the world as long as I study and make it somewhere, someday.
The teen.age.
I've past that number now. For a year and a month. But it-
Passing that line doesn't magically give you auto-pilot in a world. That auto-pilot and authority adults appear to have when we were kids. There's no magic rule. No guidelines. YOU make it happen. Now's the time of your life to show the world you are something to be reckoned with. And even if not to show others - there's always your personal goals and dreams you have for yourself. And if you don't, you have no one to blame/ no one to push the responsibility to, but yourself.
Well, that's what I'm telling myself, fingers crossed, anyways.
-C.
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