Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Bits and blobs

"It's a lot easier to be on the verge of something than to actually be it" - Markus Zusak


That quote just speaks out so much to me. And it applies to so, so many things in life besides just the experiences I've accumulated.


Sigh. 





Studying is hard. Not going to lie. Doing something mindless (like cleaning my room, or emptying the dishwasher, or some other menial procrastination technique I’ve perfected over the past few weeks) is easy. But actually sitting down and committing reams of lecture notes to memory is tough going.

I am so. bored.

The Easter holidays was supposed to be a time to catch up with all the work that piled up from messing about and having totally different priorities in Term 1 and 2.

But actually sitting down to study is so friken hard I end up spending most of my day tetris-ing, skype-ing or watching random youtube videos..




Speaking of procrastinating, I've found quite a nice site.

http://thequietplaceproject.com/thequietplace

-that just gives you a little time for space. for a breather. from all the stuff that's going on. stuff that, if you think about it properly, doesn't even seem so important.

Go to it. I would really introduce this place to anyone I really care for. It's stupidly simple, but I find it a really refreshing concept





-is nice for ranting too. I got quite into it last night, although I prefer the quiet place more.

It felt really odd just to type words into the box. But after sometime, it got really addicting. Watching each letter light up a star... only then to break off, fly away and disappear into nothingness. It's like pouring your heart out to someone - only without having to think about your words or any judgement. 





In my boredom I also digged out an old document with a list of things I wanted to do after my IB exams.

I did hardly any of them.

It made me realize how freaking often I put things off. Put my priorities on things that I can't even remember. Make excuses. How quickly ideas pop into my head, and how quickly memories disappear. How I make decisions based on getting instant gratification more often that I would like to admit. How little I truly remember of my last summer (which brings me to wanting to write a post about it <-will be linked once it's done.. which was legen.. "wait for it..."). How I always put current things on hold but waste time doing insignificant things. But anyways, it hit me


-how I put living off.





There just seems to be so much floating round in my mind. Although technically 'still' nineteen and in my teens, I can't help but know that I'm also supposed to be an adult. I've past the golden milestone of 18.. got my permanent ID card, brushed past the need of having a guardian/parent to sign forms, gotten a bank account, going to uni, finding my own flat next year.. It seems like all the things we longed for when we were younger are slower coming true. No more do we 'need' the permission of others to do what we want. The golden age of opportunities, youth and life.

But deep down I'm terrified.

What if you only have a vague idea of what you want. What if you have no idea how to go about getting it?


Being under the legal age of adulthood always made me feel carefree. Rebellious. Not needing to be responsible. Just a little crazy. Like I was allowed to do anything in the world as long as I study and make it somewhere, someday.
The teen.age.

I've past that number now. For a year and a month. But it-

Passing that line doesn't magically give you auto-pilot in a world. That auto-pilot and authority adults appear to have when we were kids. There's no magic rule. No guidelines. YOU make it happen. Now's the time of your life to show the world you are something to be reckoned with. And even if not to show others - there's always your personal goals and dreams you have for yourself. And if you don't, you have no one to blame/ no one to push the responsibility to, but yourself.


Well, that's what I'm telling myself, fingers crossed, anyways.

-C.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

50 Things to keep in mind.

a friend recently forwarded this post by an MIT alumnus to the class of 2011 to me. a true gem.

50 Things
Dear Class of 2010,
This will be my last entry written specifically for you; beginning with the launch of our new site in early September, I'll begin focusing on the future class of 2011. I hope that you guys won't be strangers; stay in touch either in person (come visit us!) or online (please drop by the blogs from time to time and say hi).
As you begin your college experience, and I prepare for my 10-year college reunion, I thought I'd leave you with the things that, in retrospect, I think are important as you navigate the next four years. I hope that some of them are helpful.

Here goes...
1.     Your friends will change a lot over the next four years. Let them.
2.     Call someone you love back home a few times a week, even if just for a few minutes.
3.     In college more than ever before, songs will attach themselves to memories. Every month or two, make a mix cd, mp3 folder, whatever - just make sure you keep copies of these songs. Ten years out, they'll be as effective as a journal in taking you back to your favorite moments.
4.     Take naps in the middle of the afternoon with reckless abandon.
5.     Adjust your schedule around when you are most productive and creative. If you're nocturnal and do your best work late at night, embrace that. It may be the only time in your life when you can.
6.     If you write your best papers the night before they are due, don't let people tell you that you "should be more organized" or that you "should plan better." Different things work for different people. Personally, I worked best under pressure - so I always procrastinated... and always kicked ass (which annoyed my friends to no end). ;-) Use the freedom that comes with not having grades first semester to experiment and see what works best for you.
7.     At least a few times in your college career, do something fun and irresponsible when you should be studying. The night before my freshman year psych final, my roommate somehow scored front row seats to the Indigo Girls at a venue 2 hours away. I didn't do so well on the final, but I haven't thought about psych since 1993. I've thought about the experience of going to that show (with the guy who is now my son's godfather) at least once a month ever since.
8.     Become friends with your favorite professors. Recognize that they can learn from you too - in fact, that's part of the reason they chose to be professors.
9.     Carve out an hour every single day to be alone. (Sleeping doesn't count.)
10.   Go on dates. Don't feel like every date has to turn into a relationship.
11.   Don't date someone your roommate has been in a relationship with.
12.   When your friends' parents visit, include them. You'll get free food, etc., and you'll help them to feel like they're cool, hangin' with the hip college kids.
13.   In the first month of college, send a hand-written letter to someone who made college possible for you and describe your adventures thus far. It will mean a lot to him/her now, and it will mean a lot to you in ten years when he/she shows it to you.
14.   Embrace the differences between you and your classmates. Always be asking yourself, "what can I learn from this person?" More of your education will come from this than from any classroom.
15.   All-nighters are entirely overrated.
16.   For those of you who have come to college in a long-distance relationship with someone from high school: despite what many will tell you, it can work. The key is to not let your relationship interfere with your college experience. If you don't want to date anyone else, that's totally fine! What's not fine, however, is missing out on a lot of defining experiences because you're on the phone with your boyfriend/girlfriend for three hours every day.
17.   Working things out between friends is best done in person, not over email. (IM does not count as "in person.") Often someone's facial expressions will tell you more than his/her words.
18.   Take risks.
19.   Don't be afraid of (or excited by) the co-ed bathrooms. The thrill is over in about 2 seconds.
20.   Wednesday is the middle of the week; therefore on wednesday night the week is more than half over. You should celebrate accordingly. (It makes thursday and friday a lot more fun.)
21.   Welcome failure into your lives. It's how we grow. What matters is not that you failed, but that you recovered.
22.   Take some classes that have nothing to do with your major(s), purely for the fun of it.
23.   It's important to think about the future, but it's more important to be present in the now. You won't get the most out of college if you think of it as a stepping stone.
24.   When you're living on a college campus with 400 things going on every second of every day, watching TV is pretty much a waste of your time and a waste of your parents' money. If you're going to watch, watch with friends so at least you can call it a "valuable social experience."
25.   Don't be afraid to fall in love. When it happens, don't take it for granted. Celebrate it, but don't let it define your college experience.
26.   Much of the time you once had for pleasure reading is going to disappear. Keep a list of the books you would have read had you had the time, so that you can start reading them when you graduate.
27.   Things that seem like the end of the world really do become funny with a little time and distance. Knowing this, forget the embarassment and skip to the good part.
28.   Every once in awhile, there will come an especially powerful moment when you can actually feel that an experience has changed who you are. Embrace these, even if they are painful.
29.   No matter what your political or religious beliefs, be open-minded. You're going to be challenged over the next four years in ways you can't imagine, across all fronts. You can't learn if you're closed off.
30.   If you need to get a job, find something that you actually enjoy. Just because it's work doesn't mean it has to suck.
31.   Don't always lead. It's good to follow sometimes.
32.   Take a lot of pictures. One of my major regrets in life is that I didn't take more pictures in college. My excuse was the cost of film and processing. Digital cameras are cheap and you have plenty of hard drive space, so you have no excuse.
33.   Your health and safety are more important than anything.
34.   Ask for help. Often.
35.   Half of you will be in the bottom half of your class at any given moment. Way more than half of you will be in the bottom half of your class at some point in the next four years. Get used to it.
36.   In ten years very few of you will look as good as you do right now, so secretly revel in how hot you are before it's too late.
37.   In the long run, where you go to college doesn't matter as much as what you do with the opportunities you're given there. The MIT name on your resume won't mean much if that's the only thing on your resume. As a student here, you will have access to a variety of unique opportunities that no one else will ever have - don't waste them.
38.   On the flip side, don't try to do everything. Balance = well-being.
39.   Make perspective a priority. If you're too close to something to have good perspective, rely on your friends to help you.
40.   Eat badly sometimes. It's the last time in your life when you can do this without feeling guilty about it.
41.   Make a complete ass of yourself at least once, preferably more. It builds character.
42.   Wash your sheets more than once a year. Trust me on this one.
43.   If you are in a relationship and none of your friends want to hang out with you and your significant other, pay attention. They usually know better than you do.
44.   Don't be afraid of the weird pizza topping combinations that your new friend from across the country loves. Some of the truly awful ones actually taste pretty good. Expand your horizons.
45.   Explore the campus thoroughly. Don't get caught.
46.   Life is too short to stick with a course of study that you're no longer excited about. Switch, even if it complicates things.
47.   Tattoos are permanent. Be very certain.
48.   Don't make fun of prefrosh. That was you like 2 hours ago.
49.   Enjoy every second of the next four years. It is impossible to describe how quickly they pass.
50.   This is the only time in your lives when your only real responsibility is to learn. Try to remember how lucky you are every day.

Be yourself. Create. Inspire, and be inspired. Grow. Laugh. Learn. Love.
Welcome to some of the best years of your lives.
-C

carpe diem.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Footprints in the sand.

Was being bored and reading random shizz on the amazing procrastinating aide known as le internet. Came across this post by a senior.. And the sad thing was, I kinda agree with it.

Once again, it never fails to amaze me how 迟钝 I can get... Even when I'm aware of that aspect of me.

People always warned me about this in highschool. Hell yeah, we even talked about it at length with varying degrees of sentimentality (ha. is that even a word?), but I feel like reality just hit.

Damn girl,  it's near the end of term 2 already; how slow can you get?


I feel like punching the wall. I was just too optimistic. Too idealistic.

Anyways, it speaks for itself:

"Good friends come and they always go. Always. Anyone who tells you they're gonna hang around is lying, it's as simple as that. Even those with pure intentions, eventually go away.

I've had one too many experiences with people who say they'll always stick around but who just move on before I realize they're gone =/ Maybe I'm just slow. Or I've been too much of a "good friend" to notice. Seriously, I can think of a few people I would still go out of my way to help but who wouldn't give a rat's ass about me anymore. But that's just how I am I guess because at some point they probably would have gone out of their way for me and I'll always remember that.

But from now on with whoever I meet in the future, I'm not falling into that trap or believing any of that nonsense because yes, they always go.

Convince me otherwise. I dare you too. Because I really wish someone would."

Monday, February 27, 2012

God wants you to know ... that when you are at a loss of what to do, do nothing.

Doing nothing can be very wise. When you pause doing things, you become more aware of God's presence, and often an unexpected solution to your question will arise.


bleh. 


reason to rest.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Contentment.

The idea of being content seems to be something that has been scratching at the door of my mind…
It bothers me that I realize there are so many people who shy away from anything truly exceptional, that we settle for mediocrity for various reasons, and as varied as these responses are I find that the majority of these reasons are inadequate…. they should not excuse us from pursuing something greater than what we have…
I was listening to “These Things Take Time” (Alliteration for the win…) by Sanctus Real… and one line struck me hard

“Why am I so afraid of the dark, but I stray from the light?”

I think this speaks volumes about the human condition of contentment and what I was reading about concerning things like co-dependency…

When it comes to things like pain, like being dissatisfied with life… you would assume that most people would do anything possible to try and rid themselves of these scars and these burdens that shackle them down, that prevent them from feeling truly happy

The sad truth is that many individuals would prefer to accept the pain, because it’s familiar, it’s recognizable, they know the limits it places on their lives and it leaves them with an observable boundary in their life within which they feel comfortable

It’s something they are well acquainted with, they know every last inch of every last memory and thought and feeling, they know exactly what to do with every situation that could present itself regarding this pain, and so it seems comfortable and manageable…

But I tell you this… no matter what form or shape it takes in your life

A prison, is still a prison

When it comes to my faith, I wonder if there really was more to what Jesus saw in us when He gave His life on that cross… that perhaps He wasn’t just aiming at giving us a bigger prison to live in

Luke-warmness is something that troubles me dearly, to know that there are so many people of faithliving in fear of rejection, of failure, of condemnation…. but Christ died for more than this… we weren’t just brought out of darkness to be in a dimly lit room with four walls and a door…

It’s time we started realizing what exactly Christ bought for us, what exactly He died for… it’s time to break the comfortable and familiar chains of our worlds and begin to see life anew…. life without borders… without limits

Indeed, it is time to discard contentment and pickup ambition… to find our dreams and to chase them down
Never be satisfied, there is always more… but never settle for less because it is easy or it is comfortable

Fight for what you believe in

Fight for freedom from co-dependency with your pain

Fight like your life depends on it

Because it probably does