I don't know. It's just grey

I'm bored and I'm tired but I can't seem to sleep before 3;00AM now.


I got a closet filled up to the brim
With the ghosts of my past and the skeletons
And I don't know why, you'd even try

♥
Now all I have I count it all as loss
But to know You and to carry the cross
Knowing I'm found
In the light of the aftermath.

I know there is more to this. But yet I'm just letting my humanity destroy myself. Less than humanity even.

Why do we constantly look for things to satisfy us when everything and everyone is imperfect and inadequate? Why do we hold out the hope for something so perfect it would be ideal for the imperfections of ourselves? Why do we know the answer in our heads but never act on them? Why do we self-destruct?

*On a related note; its interesting how our cell's own default state is apoptosis (programmed cell death) unless we constantly produce signals to inhibit this process.

Why.