It shouldn't; but it still does affects me...

Sometimes I really wonder how stupid it would seem to him. How I sit here with my eyes never leaving the screen of my phone waiting for his new text. Or refreshing the screen until it says he's online. Or how when I miss him I read the things he told me months and months ago. I really wonder what he 

would say if he knew he meant that much to me.

It shouldn't; but it still does affects me... I don't know why. I don't know how. It seems weird, really. Given that it's already been so long. But that one message pushed 5 years time aside like a blink of the eye. Why? Everything's changed already.. well at least that's what I think.. but hope not to have happened. I regret-

Oh well. Why am I even writing about this here?!

I guess for me blogging isn't about reaching people and getting them to read whatever convoluted rant I end up posting (or not, for that matter). (Then the inevitable question comes up... You could almost see it popping out from the lips of people around you.) Why not write it in a diary? Why broadcast your thoughts and emotions on the world wide web? 

Maybe, now that I come to think of it, it might be simply because I'm too lazy to write given the ease and convenience typing has over handwritten notes; it might be because it looks so much neater and organised with your thoughts typed out in crisp black lettering against the glowing screen... Then again, I guess blogging mostly serves as a tool for a let out of thoughts emotions regardless of whether anyone is reading it or not. It’s like standing on edge of an isolated cliff and yelling your lungs out. There might not be anyone listening. There might not be anyone yelling back. There might be someone listening but not yelling back. But you hear the waves sighing in that calming way of theirs and the winds carrying about with their own business. And suddenly, your heart just feels lighter. 

Although- in this case, I think I might regret a lot of it.

lctx.