When you're pissed and don't know what to do...

Or when you are going crazy waiting for that one thing.
lctx

:) there's a certain security in this.

It shouldn't; but it still does affects me...

Sometimes I really wonder how stupid it would seem to him. How I sit here with my eyes never leaving the screen of my phone waiting for his new text. Or refreshing the screen until it says he's online. Or how when I miss him I read the things he told me months and months ago. I really wonder what he 

would say if he knew he meant that much to me.

It shouldn't; but it still does affects me... I don't know why. I don't know how. It seems weird, really. Given that it's already been so long. But that one message pushed 5 years time aside like a blink of the eye. Why? Everything's changed already.. well at least that's what I think.. but hope not to have happened. I regret-

Oh well. Why am I even writing about this here?!

I guess for me blogging isn't about reaching people and getting them to read whatever convoluted rant I end up posting (or not, for that matter). (Then the inevitable question comes up... You could almost see it popping out from the lips of people around you.) Why not write it in a diary? Why broadcast your thoughts and emotions on the world wide web? 

Maybe, now that I come to think of it, it might be simply because I'm too lazy to write given the ease and convenience typing has over handwritten notes; it might be because it looks so much neater and organised with your thoughts typed out in crisp black lettering against the glowing screen... Then again, I guess blogging mostly serves as a tool for a let out of thoughts emotions regardless of whether anyone is reading it or not. It’s like standing on edge of an isolated cliff and yelling your lungs out. There might not be anyone listening. There might not be anyone yelling back. There might be someone listening but not yelling back. But you hear the waves sighing in that calming way of theirs and the winds carrying about with their own business. And suddenly, your heart just feels lighter. 

Although- in this case, I think I might regret a lot of it.

lctx.

dust to eagles.

Those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. -Isaiah 40:31

Don't Count

From my beloved sister who shared this on Facebook. I think its amazing. Like GATEWAY '09. Like Retreat '08. Like the many Saturday nights and Sunday mornings. I just wanted to share it with whoever..... comes across this ♥

 I want to share a story. I texted a couple friends earlier today about what an idiot I had been today. I deliberately went home (instead of working on a paper) to do my laundry this afternoon so that I could dry my clothes while I went to cell group tonight. Of course, me in my brilliance placed the clothes in the dryer, turned it on to the right setting and did not press the start button. I realized my mistake when I had left home for the bus station.

 You have to understand that laundry in Denmark takes at least twice as long as anywhere civilized in the world. I normally put my clothes in to dry under the jeans settings for 211 minutes (yes, exactly that) since clothes simply don't dry if you don't put it in for that long. I was rather stressed when I realized my mistake since I am traveling tomorrow and needed clean clothes. This also meant that I would have to stay up late to wait for the 211 minutes.

Anyways, I got to my cell group and we started worshipping. Then my cell group leader saw a picture which completely applies to me. He saw a turbulent ocean (without waves or storms, but not calm) and God stretching out his finger, poking it and it became still instantly. I am not going through any major 'storms' at the moment, but I've been daydreaming a lot, thinking about internships and been wistful about leaving Denmark. I was also stressed about the whole traveling thing. I then heard God tell me "Don't count the days. Don't count the minutes." I kind of gave in and told Him He knows best.

I stayed until the end of cell group and even worship for a little while longer. Then I went home to figure out my laundry. I walked in and the dryer was exactly as I left it. The setting was on jeans, and the minute display still showed 211 minutes. I then opened the dryer to check if my clothes were still in there. And I slowly realized that my clothes simply aren't wet. Even my jeans were dry, and after a normal cycle in the laundry, they would still be damp. Here's what I figured: I think God dried my laundry just as He dried Gideon's fleece. I don't know what else to think. Do your clothes dry if you leave them in the dryer without turning them on? You tell me.

God's pretty darn good. No wonder He doesn't want me to count. This story reminds me of how He multiplied the money I had in my wallet 2 years ago. He can change circumstances in a second. He also cares about the little things, like my laundry :) Doesn't it make you love Him more?


Don't count.
-J

Comparing yourself to somebody else is just a bad idea. Who God made you is much more important that what anyone can say about you. If you're trying to be someone else, the truth is you'll never achieve that. If you're trying to be someone else, then you just wasted the person that you are. We're not called to run anyone else's race. We're called to be who we are and love it.

Thank you ♥

Omgsssh guys, i really had the most an amazing night last night ♥

Thanks so much to everyone for giving me such a wonderful birthday. I'ld never had thought that I would ever break down because of happiness. You guys made that possible. (For those who came onto the deck, it suddenly hit me when that guy was taking a photo for us that i was an adult. legally responsible for my own life but extremely, extremely fortunate & blessed to have shared such moments with you as my friends :)♥) True friends: this time it wasn't a label- this was the real deal. oh, and that moment with the cake too~

ت I can't really put it down into words.. but "feel// What I can ne'er express, yet cannot all conceal" -Byron, "Childe Harold's Pilgrimage". I guess it could be better summed up by my actual annotations on the for that IOC background reading text: an overflow of emotion & appreciation for pure, unadulterated [friendship]. (hehe. mr M permeates all)

It was a night that I'll definitely cherish forever - and I guess now I'm just pulling onto anything I've got to remember this. I'll always remember the sea-sickness-inducing walk around the buffet, 'walkin' wavy... those heads are turning like windmills', tina's epic fall, the cake (and random well-wishers and dancers onboard),  paparazzi of the most embarassing moments, our non(-OH)ic 'drunken' state singing (and slipping) back to North Point...HAHA. Yesterday seemed to stretch on forever... last night I felt like we were in a completely different world where we could be asourselves as we possibly could without caring a thing for what others may judge. And I have to admit that I'm rather scared that I'll forget these amazing scenes that flashed before me when I'm old, wrinkly and and missing you guys badly (hopefully it won't come to that :P). Thank you so much for making me feel so loved, for making the day worthwhile: had so much fun (and hope you did laughing at that dreaded ipad pic =.='; now i'll always think twice before making faces at a camera...or at ant in general)

so thank you everyone. Thank you for coming; for the well wishes and new experiences :) to 2011~

add smog, rain and laughter. 

Right now, we might not believe that Batman lives in Hong Kong amongst these throbbing lights, but tbh, we never really grow up. We just learn how to act in public.
(or not in the case for many of us;))

xxx

"Remember that no matter which path we choose when at the fork of the road,

no matter which hand we choose to take when two are stretched out before us,

and no matter which heart we decide to walk away from.

As long as regret does not ever haunt us on the matter which has been decided,

...know that it has to have been the right one. ♥"

"Time you enjoyed wasting, was not time wasted."

...................................................                              I wish!
Okay. i am so bad at this; i couldn't keep from procrastinating online..... so, rationalizing a little, i realized that time spent here writing random stuff would be time better spent than on the collection of things i do to keep myself entertained. So, from now on i'm vowing to quit on all these other stuff and retreat to writing a petty little post whenever i'm feeling restlessssss. 


The other day, whilst wasting more of my time on facebook, I came across a status message that really struck home, "Cry me a river and go swim in it. No one to blame except yourself." >.< No one can be held responsible for the consequences of anything you were involved in. I guess I'm slowly learning that if you want something to happen, you have to do it yourself.


"A true friend stabs you in the front." 
- Oscar Wilde <3 So, thanks. It wasn't intended for me. But I needed it. :)

but then again, don't expect regular posts :P

lctx.

Love, to the darling who was always years mature of me since we were 2.75yrs old. This year is our 16.25th anniversary ;)!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HON. We've grown apart in the years between with Shanghai and all that other stuff, and I don't even remember the first time I met you because that was such a long time ago (& 'cause I'm such a cloud).... but now that you're finally turning eighteen, I look back and it amazes me how you've been in my life since the realm of kindergarten fantasies♥. Needless to say, I can scarcely believe we're both about to become adults. <3  I wish you the best birthday yet, birthday girrrrl! Have a fabulous day and year ahead! Happy Birthday, Hisa Shikita.

We were always crazy kids :) Looking for photos made me very nostalgic indeed....

HIATUS

yes.... hiatus.


Hopefully until the 23rd May

Black Swan is truly inspirational. Perfection. I've always wondered why this word seems to just roll off the tongue. For a split second it tricks you into believe that it's achievable. Then it fades into the air, leaving a lingering whiff of its intoxicating presence. I guess.. it's the strive to it that makes it so beautiful.


"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on... But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

~Philippians 3: 12-16

lctx.

just remember

.............you do not see things as they are. You see them as you are. When you look, you see reflections of your being. When you listen, you hear echoes of yourself. If you don't like something about what you see and hear, no point in smashing the mirror, change who you are becoming.

Hong Kong is the best.

I will miss you.

lctx.

''Teenagers should be scene not herd.''

I find that pictures and quotes always seem to sum up what we think, but just haven't found the exact ways to express something.

Yup... always good advice :) This is so tru.e

These are soooo cute!

Where do you get coloured blackberries?? If ever was I to get a new phone, I want a smartphone.... something like this would be fab!!

<3 Blowwwwn away....


I guess I'm always a romantic at heart ;)
lctx.

What do you see in me?

jumping in.......... hopefully

Perhaps it’s time to stop standing by in the safety of the side lines and jump in head first


Sometimes life hurts, but in my opinion, for all the beauty, fun, joy, excitement and love?


Totally worth it :)
lctx.

thoughts.

So I was thinking about holidays the other day, and I realized that Valentines day - the day of “love” - where they promote and commercialize the holiday to encourage couples to have sex and make love

(…and assuming they do…)

Means that babies will be born just in time for holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas, just in time for parents to buy and receive many gifts for their children, as well as throw a huge party in celebration...

So I can’t help but wonder if marketing has gotten the best of us

I’d love to think it was purely co-incidence

…

CONSPIRACY :O

Sunrise is the instant at which the upper edges of the Sun appears above the........

A game I'm currently hooked on ever since I've introduced it to my cousin when she wanted to improve her typing speed




Sorry 'bout the ad. but it came along with the html code for Sunrise Typer. Wow. I feel like I'm going to be such an accomplished adult -.-'


Typing away,
lctx.

fluke.

A 7 never seemed like a high number until you experience the pain of revising triple the time, think you it it all by heart, skip happily to the exam only to be stopped dead in your tracks by the menacing black ink on the impeccably white paper.

For a few moments, you are engrossed in the dazzling smoothness, the cold elegant beauty of the blank sheet of exam paper. It strikes you that this flimsy sheet of paper could symbolize missed opportunities, inadequate abilities, pent-up frustrations or a hard-earned pass to your beautiful dreams. Regardless of the questions, you could boldly continue to stare at it for the entire exam time, defying the conventions of good marks = bright student in an exhilarating run towards an ultimate parallel universe enclosed in your mind.

How can a mere number or grade even reflect your true capabilities? Maybe it's pure egocentricalism, but I sometimes wonder if doing all this is even worth a second of my time.

Tick. Tock. The clock rushes on. Stare at meeee, it seems to coo. I'm a freak of your imagination. Tick. Your eyeballs obey, willingly drawn to the small mechanical jerks of the puppet around it's cage.

The blue pen on the desk seems to be the next most fascinating object in the world. Click. Clickclickclickclick. Hey.. it has a nice sound too, you think. Hmm, lets unscrew it and see. A drop of bruised blue ink accidentally sinks into your thumb, traling the intricate maze used so often as our identification. Bahahaa; I can sign this paper off with my thumbprint. 无聊. Glancing back at the clock you see an hour remaining. With great haste you scan the question while your fingers lazily start scrawling discombobulated handwriting on the clean lined paper. It's brief cool touch amazes you and you wonder at the incredible crispness of the paper.

No, Char, no.
Stop getting distracted. 
Focus-
  -focus. 
Yes. ahhh, good. Good.

You finish the test just when the Filipino invigilator snatches it out from under you hands and walk towards the hot throng of people clustered around the doors. What the heck is the definition for infrastructure? I totally blanked our on the graph for indirect taxation again! Are they trying to make our brains adapt to working in sub-zero conditions? (tehehehees, we should use our bio knowledge of enzymatic reactions to appeal to the administrators...) OMG i need to pee.

I felt stunned. As though I had just been roughly woken up from the brink of a discovery. Craving silence, you walk away to catch the bus down the hill.

Alone.

Hey, you okay? DK appears, tilting his head. Don't just run off by yourself.
I felt like doing just that. Whats the matter with doing stuff alone anyways? Whats the big deal?
Yea.. just tired. Lol, Somehow I think concentrating for too long makes you feel anti-social afterwards.
*Smile.
Aww, come on, really?
Dammn. Hate how I feel like the only person to think like, well, me.
Yep.

Got that test back the next week. The red 7 scribbled on the front page stupefied me. How could that be? I flicked through the pages slowly, then with more urgency - was there some mistake? But no. The essay response was as I had remembered: marred by a few false-starts and the distinctly smeared thumbprint (OMGSSHH why did I think that was a good thing to do? There was also a brigh red circle around my print with a huge questionmark on the side and Mr C had to mention that I was so bored as to start making thumbprints on my paper =.='.)

It was not a high 7 (by that, the 90's had completely evaded me), but neither was it a borderline one.

Busying myself doing the corrections, I felt quite conflicted. Was This It? An empty hollow sense of satisfaction dug into my ribs.

Being too easily tempted by distractions could perhaps be my biggest weaknesses (i.e. now. Yes, NOW. Go do your homework ctxl.. Nah.). It fills up time doing pointless things. Which- I had succumbed to terribly to in the test. And you could say, its the Major one that counted to my final predicted grade uni's would be using.

Somehow, I managed it, but it felt horribly like a fluke. 
lctx.